Tag Archives: Pitch

How to Save Sears

Dear Mr. Sears:

I was saddened to hear the news that your chain of department stores is in financial straits. I’ve enjoyed your stores and would hate to see yet another retailer devoured by the snake that is online commerce. As such I have drafted a few outside-the-box tactics and tricks that will set Sear back on the sea of profits.

I’m about to save your entire company, at no cost to you. These are things online retailers can’t do. It’s time to use your advantage!

Here’s how to save Sears:

Better tasting mirrors in the changing room. Have you tasted your mirrors? Terrible! Surely you can add a nice, zero calorie orange-cream flavor to the mirrors. No other store (online or otherwise) offers such amenities, and this make shoppers flock to your store to see what all the buzz is about. May I recommend a print ad campaign based on the motto, “Sears: You’ll like the lick!”

Escalator sound effects. When going up the escalator, it should sound like rising piano notes. And when going down, it should sound like a trombone or slide-whistle going from high notes to low notes. I don’t know what that kind of music is called. Is that a scale? A crescendo? Not my problem, really.

Devote a section of the store to Tesla cars. Look, you don’t have to sell many. Just sell like one or two a day and you’d be set. Continue reading How to Save Sears

Daily Transmission #37: Dan’s Great Ideas — Deviled Egg Bar

I have a lot of great ideas. This s one them.

Dan’s Deviled Egg Bar

One Sentence Pitch:
Imagine a self-serve frozen yogurt restaurant, but instead of yogurt, out comes deviled egg filling.

Detailed Concept:
Deviled eggs are delicious, but who has the time? And you can’t simply make one deviled egg, or even two — you usually need to make at least a dozen and if you’re alone, you end up throwing three of those eggs away because you’re full.

Dan’s Deviled Egg Bar will offer customers the convenience and efficiency of single-serve deviled eggs ready whenever the egg-appetite strikes. No more wasted eggs or kitchen messes. At Dan’s Deviled Egg Bar, we do all the work…and more!

“How does it work?” Continue reading Daily Transmission #37: Dan’s Great Ideas — Deviled Egg Bar

Daily Transmission #32: Calvin and Hobbes Pitch

Dear Mr. Bill Waterson:

This letter is to inform you that we here at Imagination Productions are very interested in transforming your Calvin and Hobbes comic strip into a big budget film series. While you may scoff, we ask that you hear us out. We know what we’re doing. You can trust us.

If the success of recent films such as Smurfs and the upcoming Smurfs: The Lost Village are any indication, audiences are mildly eager to see beloved characters from the 80s and 90s on the big screen! Now it can finally be your turn for the Hollywood spotlight!

We have already worked out a treatment for the Calvin and Hobbes movie. Continue reading Daily Transmission #32: Calvin and Hobbes Pitch

Daily Transmission #6: My Pitch For Cars 3

There have been a few teaser trailers for Disney/Pixar’s Cars 3. It looks like it’ll be a darker movie.

I liked the first Cars and cannot remember anything at all about Cars 2.

Here is my pitch for Cars 3, a darker story for a darker time.

The film opens with Lightning McQueen racing around a track and being cocky. And then he crashes. We’ve seen this in the teaser trailer, so I’m sticking with it.

Here’s the twist: McQueen dies. He’s dead. His car isn’t alive anymore.

The car parts are disassembled and recycled as a sad folk song plays. Everyone in the theater is crying. At the recycling plant, we see the metal and plastic of his body being melted down and formed into new material. The recycled metal is made into screws.

We then see a bunch of recycled screws being juggled down an assembly line. We follow a few screws closely, screws we know were once part of Lightning McQueen. Where are they going? The screws are packed up and shipped out. The folk song hits a very low note. Is this the end? Screen goes black as shipping truck door slams.

The door opens. There’s a bright light. The folk song hits a happier chord. Something is happening. But what? The boxes of screws are poured into sorting machines. We follow the same four screws. More assembly lines. More music. Look at the detail on these machines! Pixar loves detail!

And then the screws are picked up and placed into…something.

Camera pulls back. It’s a Buzz Lightyear doll. A new one. With new screws…screws that were once Lightning McQueen’s flesh and bones.

The doll is stiff at first.

When it’s alone in the box, its eyes blink and he looks around. McQueen’s voice speaks, “What? What is going on?”

Cars 3 logo appears on the screen.

Rest of the movie is Lightning McQueen in a Buzz Lightyear body grappling with questions such as: Where did the cars from Cars come from? Do Cars have babies? Is there a Car god? Who makes the toys?

Film ends with Lightning McQueen Lightyear crucified for asking difficult questions. He looks directly at the camera before dying and whispers, “You.”

Also, there’s a big chase scene in a mall parking lot on Black Friday. It’s fun!