Growing up, we never put Christmas lights on the outside of our house. While inside, things were festive and bright, the exterior was always dark and dead. We were a Christmas geode.
In my defense, our house was half-Jewish and it was the 1980s, back when outdoor decorations meant a few strings of lights and maybe a light-up snowman. It’s only been in the last two decades that homes have gotten more and more luminous and balloominous, thanks in part, I suspect, to the Griswold house of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and the versatility of inflatable decorations.
I still don’t decorate outside, mostly because I’m lazy and because how can a few lights compete with neighbors who ignite the night’s sky with holiday cheer?
So instead of decorating my own yard, I feed off the sparkles of others.
Last night, we spent three hours looking at lights and I’m happy to report we saw at least six, maybe seven, Christmas dinosaur decorations. That gives me hope for this world.
Someone also decorated their street signs, which seems illegal to me but I’m not about to call the cops because someone’s Christmas oozed out too far.
Today in the calendar, we get…
Nice. This is a hell of a chopper, with a properller that spins real and true.
Flame was preparing the toy for Melvin when Delores said, “You know what your problem is? You’re spoiling him! Kid’s gonna think the entire world is his. You should give him a a sharp knife and a length of rope and let him make his own way in the world.”
I kinda agree. Unless there are more children in this calendar, Melvin is turning out to be a spoiled rich kid. I should have suspected it when he popped out with a snowboard. Little kids who are way into winter sports tend to be spoiled. He probably gets $1,000 from the tooth fairy and eats name brand Pop-Tarts. Jerk.
Maybe tomorrow Melvin will get three Xboxes — one for upstairs, one for downstairs, and one for his sneaker closet.
Day 17 Rating: 3.99 out of 5 (Points added because it’s a really good helicopter.)
See you tomorrow!
This blog is brought to you by PowerPencils.com. Tomorrow is your deadline for Christmas orders! Yee-haw!