I put up my Christmas tree yesterday. The picture you see to the right is the unlit tree. Looks really sad. You can’t tell from the photo but there are two strands of colored lights that emblaze the entire room with Christmas cheer.
The lights are the fancy kind that do all sorts of tricks, such as flicker, chase, slow fade, make you pizza bagels, help pay your student loan, twinkle, strobe, and so on. When I set the lights to “cycle” they do all the tricks and my tree looks exactly like a Daft Punk eye orgy.
I can’t take a photo of the lit tree because my photography skills are on par with my knitting skills. When illuminated, my tree is an absolute good. Take my word on it.
Is there anything more depressing than an unlit Christmas tree in the middle of the day on a rainy December Wednesday? Yep.
That answer just happens to be today’s Lego Advent Calendar offering. If you enjoy feeling happy and good, you may not want to read ahead. And if you do read on, you will need tissues to wipe away your sadness tears.
And no, it’s not a wall.
It’s not an empty chamber. Though that would have been funny and taught me an important lesson about expectations and entitlement.
It’s two lousy presents and a skateboard and a skateboard helmet.
What the hell, Lego? You go from offering me weapons and walls to giving me the leftover crap you no doubt found in your factory’s “Eh. Whatever” bin. Come on!
The presents are nice, but should have been included with yesterday’s sad, squat Christmas tree. Last year’s tree, may I remind you, was larger and came with a star!
The skateboard is OK, but it’s the same skateboard you gave me in last year’s calendar. Did you forget? Did you think I would forget? Ha! You must think me a fool.
Oh well. Not every day will be a winner, but this better be the worst day of the bunch. If I open tomorrow’s door and find a Lego brick and some “Lego Air” then I may abandon this entire event, give up on Lego, and start acting like an adult.
I gave the skateboard to Officer Champ Gutpunch, because he needs it to help clean up the town of Barbaria.
The Walrus is trying to steal the presents. Clearly Gutpunch needs help…some skateboard help.
Because today’s item kinda sucked, there’s only one way to save Christmas.
Sword Boy, attack! (You can come along too, Robot Snowman!)
Ladies and Gentlemen, the triumphant return of the Goats has begun!
Day 7 Rating: 1.2 out of 4 (Points added because even a horrible Lego item is better than none.)
Robot Snowman is about to get it done. He doesn’t hold flames just to make himself look good. (Though that is why he wears the wig.) This is going to get very real, very soon.
UPDATE: Just watched Toy Break open up today’s Star Wars Lego Calendar, and it looks like everyone with a Lego Calendar has reason to be pissed today.