My brother came to town for an anniversary party and after the party, we thought it’d be fun to go through the old Christmas ornaments in my dad’s attic. And then we found a mouse nest in the big cardboard ornament box along with rodent poo. And then Christmas was ruined.

[blank face]

You know what’s in the Calendar today. I know it. We all know it. So let’s stop being coy and start being disappointed.

It’s another prison wall.

I could write a few dozen whiney words on why walls are dumb and mice feces ruin Christmas and blah, blah, blah.

But I won’t.

So far this holiday season I’ve watched two different versions of A Christmas Carol, and the message is finally sinking in: Christmas is what you make of it. I’m not sure that’s the message of the story – I think it’s really about sharing love and a reminder that if a tiny child can’t walk correctly, they will surely die unless an old man feeds him turkey. But I’m going with the “Christmas is what you make of it” theme.

Instead of complaining about walls, I choose to embrace their wallness. These walls are amazing! They are the best walls a man could hope for! These are the Batman of walls!

Huzzah for walls!

And I’m not being sarcastic, for once. I truly do love these walls the more I look at them.

While yesterday’s wall was straightforward, today’s wall comes with a wide variety of pieces including two “Police” signs and this strange little black brick that you can use to join together many other bricks.

And it has a window!

Purists and assholes will say that a wide open window has no place in a prison, but with Officer Champ Gutpunch standing guard, Jerry “The Walrus” Callahan has little hope of escape.

Gutpunch easily rounded up the notorious Walrus once again. (“Notorious Walrus” is now the name of my sneaker company. By the way, does anyone know how to start a sneaker company and/or have raw materials needed to make sneakers? Hit me up on Facebook!)

As punishment for running away, The Walrus must now endure being hit in the face with snowballs.

And that’s why the prison has an open window.

Day 5 Rating: 2.6 out of 4 (Points added because the bigger the prison gets, the more I love it.)

The two versions of A Christmas Carol that I watched were:

The Jim Carrey computer animated version, which was every type of awesome. Some may hate the motion capture look, but I loved this movie. Easily my favorite version of the story.

A Muppet Christmas Carol, which was fun and worth watching if only for Gonzo’s summation of the story, “And Tiny Tim didn’t die!”

See you tomorrow!