Monster of the Day #65: Train Rex

Name: Train Rex (a.k.a. T. Rex, or Train R.)

Powers: He’s a dinosaur with his own train. Nothing can stop him!

Weaknesses: Areas without train tracks.

Origin: Complicated.

Rules: He never hits the brakes. Never. Also, a 10-trip commuter ticket saves you roughly $40 a week, so plan ahead.

Description: He’s a tyrannosaurus in a train.

Last Seen: Trying to locate the Polar and/or Hogwarts Express tracks.

Monster of the Day #64: Sherman

Name: Sherman

Powers: Unknown. Seems interested in the moon. Very interested. One guy says he saw Sherman eat an entire roll of nickles. According to legend, he can manipulate gravity by spinning gravity traps the way a spider spins a web.

Weaknesses: Unknown, though he reacts oddly towards shadows.

Origin: Known, but sworn to secrecy.

Rules: Unknown.

Description: He always dresses warmly.

Last Seen: Ohio.

Monster of the Day #63: Ape With Electric Whip

Name: Ape With Electric Whip (a.k.a. Mr. Honkers)

Powers: Intelligence of a first grader armed with an electrical whip.

Weaknesses: Easily distracted, doesn’t react well to lava, despises loud noises.

Origin: Unknown, but it would probably make a hell of a movie.

Rules: Don’t go near him. Don’t swim if he’s standing by the pool. Avoid eye contact. Avoid whip contact.

Last Seen: Buying batteries at Radio Shack.

Monster of the Day #62: Girl With Strange Sneeze

Name: Girl With Strange Sneeze

Powers: Loud, scary sneezes that sound less like a sneeze and more like an alien language…because it is an alien language.

Weaknesses: Dust.

Origin: She comes from beyond the stars and above time itself.

Description: She can take many forms. She wears clothes on the outside.

Rules: If you hear her sneeze, quickly hold your ears so her weaponized language/alien spell doesn’t control your mind.

Monster of the Day #61: Humpty Dumpty’s Mom

Name: Humpty Dumpty’s Mom

Powers: Super strength, super size, super fury, capable of short flight.

Weaknesses: Fear of walls.

Origin: The mother of the giant egg Humpty Dumpty went on a killing spree after learning of her dear son’s death. She took revenge on not only the king’s men and horses but also the brick layers and architect who built the deadly wall. Thousands were killed.

Description: Chicken large enough to produce a human-sized egg.

Rules: If you hear a deep, guttural cluck, it’s too late.

Last Seen: Unknown. Her grandson, Nathan Dumpty, carries on the family tradition of bloodshed.

Monster of the Day #60: More Than Rock

Name: More Than Rock

Powers: Tough, old, judges your body.

Weaknesses: Lava, loneliness.

Origin: Sometimes ghosts don’t possess humans; they possess rocks.

Rules: Leave them alone. Don’t listen to them. Sticks and stones can break your bones, but the words of stones (or sticks, for that matter) can’t hurt you.

Description: Rock-like. No feathers.

Last Seen: At the playground by the place where that kid got a bloody nose.