The Rules

The Rules
By Dan Bergstein

Ninja beats pirate. Pirate beats ghost.
Ghost beats zombie. Zombie beats most.
Werewolf beats vampire. Vamp beats Imp.
Imp beats fiend. Fiend beats wimp.
Wizard beats cyrborg. Cyborg surely beats troll.
Troll beats goblin. Goblin eats a hermit’s soul.
Hermit beats child. Child beats wagon.
Wagon beats moon snake. Moon snake beats dragon.
Dragon beats hydra. Hydra beats sailor.
Sailor beats teacher. Teacher beats tailor.
Tailor beats sun worm. Sun worm beats clown.
Clown beats robo-squid. Robo-squid beats town.

Town fights jackals. Town will win.
Town fights mummies. Town won’t fight again.

Zookeeper beats hell hound. Hell hound beats giant.
Giant beats accountant. Accountant beats client.
Client beats frog. Frog beats himself.
Knight beats Big Foot. Big Foot beats elf.
Elf beats pixie. Pixie beats specter.
Specter beats sea hag. Sea hag beats Hector.
Hector beats serpent. Serpent beats rat.
Rat beats Grandma. Grandma beats cat.
Lava beats demon. Demon beats warlock.
Warlock beats dinosaur. Dino beats Spock.
Spock beats Lando. Lando beats Qui-Gon.
Qui-Gon beats Jar-Jar. Jar-Jar beats none.

Rock beats scissors. Scissors beat paper.
Paper beats insect. Insect beats vapor.
Wood Woman beats Tree Man. Tree Man beats the dark.
The dark kills spider-fish. Spider-fish beats shark.
You beat me. I beat a dentist.
The dentist beats the barber. The barber is menaced.
These are the rules, and never forget.
Now hand over your money and place your bet.